IFS therapy explained
Maybe you’ve had the experience of saying:
Part of me wants to go, but another part of me wants to stay home.
Or:
I know I don’t need to be perfect, but there’s a part of me that still feels like I do.
Maybe one part of you desperately wants to slow down while another keeps pushing you to do more.
Ask me how I know about this one ;)
Internal Family Systems (IFS) begins with a simple idea: we all have different parts of ourselves with their own thoughts, feelings, beliefs and personalities, and every one of those parts makes sense.
What does it mean to have “parts”?
Having parts doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you. It’s simply a way of understanding the different thoughts, emotions, impulses, and patterns that exist within all of us.
You might recognize:
a perfectionistic part that wants to get everything right
a people-pleasing part that hates disappointing anyone
an inner critic that pushes you to be better
a part that shuts down when life becomes overwhelming
a fiercely independent part that doesn't want to need anyone
a sensitive part that feels things deeply
We often judge these parts of ourselves. Why can't I just relax? Why am I still reacting this way when I know better? IFS invites us to ask a different question:
What is this part trying to do for me? What is this part trying to help with?
Your Parts Aren't the Problem
One of the things I love most about IFS is that we don't begin by trying to eliminate the parts of you that feel inconvenient, anxious, critical, reactive, or “too much.”
Instead, we become curious about them and recognize their inherent wisdom.
IFS assumes that even our most frustrating patterns developed for a reason and as we get to know them we usually find that they’ve come by their jobs honestly.
The people pleaser may be trying to protect you from rejection.
The perfectionist may believe achievement keeps you safe or worthy.
The inner critic may genuinely believe that if it criticizes you first, it can protect you from being criticized by someone else.
These strategies may no longer be serving you in the same way they once did but that doesn’t make them or you bad.
So What Happens in IFS Therapy?
IFS therapy is less about analyzing yourself from the outside and more about learning how to turn toward your internal experience with curiosity and work with your system instead of against. It’s about developing a relationship between your Self and your parts.
Instead of immediately trying to stop an anxious thought, for example, we might slow down and notice the part of you that feels anxious.
Where do you notice it in your body?
What is it worried about?
What does it believe might happen?
What does it need you to understand?
And what happens when you approach it with curiosity instead of trying to make it go away?
This process can help us understand what is underneath patterns that may otherwise seem irrational or frustrating.
What Is the “Self” in IFS?
IFS believes that underneath all of these protective parts is something called Self.
I think of Self as a healing resource in us all, a compassionate, curious, clear presence within you that can relate to all of your parts.
You may recognize Self in moments when you feel open rather than judgmental.
You don't have to create this version of yourself or become “healed enough” to access it.
IFS believes that it is already there.
I could talk about IFS all day, it’s been a transformative practice for me in my own life and I love sharing it with others. I hope this blog post helps you to understand more about what working within the IFS framework feels like and answers questions parts of you may have about this work, see what I did there?
warmly,
Olivia